What If I Never Stop Eating?
In recent months, my practice has seen an increase in patients with eating disorders. Initially, working with this population was daunting for me, considering it was a personal struggle for many years. However, after a breakthrough session with a patient that brought both of us to tears, I realized that I needed to undertake this work.
As I delve back into the realm of disordered eating, a recurring question emerges: “What if I never stop eating?” To this, my response is straightforward— that's the point. Let's delve deeper to understand.
For someone battling an eating disorder, the mind is under constant siege. There's a persistent voice enticing you to "skip a meal," or proclaiming "that’s way too many carbs," or dictating "no more food tomorrow." It's a battle between rational thoughts, urging you to do right by your body, and these seductive little lies.
When your body lacks sufficient calories and nutrients, your brain's clarity falters, often causing you to succumb to the lies and make detrimental choices for your body. True nourishment begins when you achieve a moment of clarity and start making the right choices for your body. At that point, many eating disorder patients experience increased energy and mental clarity, but the question arises— "Will I ever stop eating?" Anxiety may intensify, leading some back to restriction, while others, more motivated, persist through the thoughts and continue to eat.
Having been there, I know that overcoming these lies requires a supportive community. In my darkest times, reaching rock bottom, accountability was my lifeline (you can read my full story here). People like my dietitian, family, and friends, who understood my struggles, kept me on track.
To the question, "Will I ever stop eating?" my answer is a resounding no. No, because we are not meant to stop eating. In the initial stages of recovery, you might eat too much or too little, but with time and practice, you learn to eat just enough to fuel your body.
For me, it transformed from barely spreading a meager amount of almond butter on my sandwich every day to consuming an entire Costco-sized jar of almond butter in a week. It's about baking cookies on a Thursday night with my son for the sheer joy of it, and simultaneously being able to hike for miles, achieving feats I once deemed impossible. It's about giving birth to two incredible babies—something I thought would never be possible after years of abusing my body.
If you or someone you know is grappling with an eating disorder, seek help. Don't endure the alluring thoughts alone, holding you captive and preventing you from living life to the fullest. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, with so much more to explore in your life.
